Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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