office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
