My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
