sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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