She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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