I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
