false alarm. still invincible.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
