Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize