I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
