I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize