1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
is it fun? or sober?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
