I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
