Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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