everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
