If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
