i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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