Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I deserve this hangover.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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