I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
