Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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