Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
