I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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