The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
