so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
