i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize