No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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