Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize