Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
