The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
