stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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