Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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