And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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