she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
