she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
