So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations! We have a period
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