Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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