farters have to be the big spoon...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
