The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
A+ Viking dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
