grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
