Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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