A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
