My hand turned me down
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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