Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
