At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
