dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
