I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
