My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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