Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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