She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
