im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
