Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
