First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
