I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
