Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
