***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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