What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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