dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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