do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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