i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
