so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
