i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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