Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize