Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
