Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
