so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
