I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it penis luge time yet?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
