I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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