You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
